Hello and welcome to Episode 11 of Don’t Forget with Anna Francis. I’m Anna Francis, the CEO of the SFU, and a registered counselor in New Zealand. This video series is all about sharing my thoughts, ideas, and reminders about things we so often and easily forget when we’re learning Solution Focused Brief Therapy. In each segment I focus on one key thing that I hope helps you while you’re on your learning journey on keeping your SFBT skills sharp.

In this episode, I wanna talk about asking the same question in different ways rather than moving on to a different line of questioning or a different part of the diamond when our clients are struggling.

Very often in our trainings, people ask things like, what if the client says, “I don’t know?” Or what if they don’t know how to answer? Or what if the client’s really struggling to find an answer? And so on.

It’s important to remember in those challenging moments that there are many ways to ask the same question. I think it’s misunderstood sometimes that the advice we give to just keep asking the question, or ask it again, that we mean that you ask the exact the same question in exactly the same way. We don’t mean that you just repeat the very same question over and over again.

And what we find happens when this is misunderstood, is it results in abandoning that line of questioning, and going on to something else instead. So you need to stay put in the premise of the question, but just ask it in a variety of different ways. on to something else instead. So you need to stay put in the premise of the question, but just ask it in a variety of different ways. on to something else instead. So you need to stay put in the premise of the question, but just ask it in a variety of different ways. on to something else instead. So you need to stay put in the premise of the question, but just ask it in a variety of different ways.

Now, there are a few reasons why this is so important, and one reason being that usually the initial best hopes question is where this happens. And so often the therapist will move on and talk about other things, abandoning getting a desired outcome, with which the whole session is based on.

Another reason is that when we give in, we inadvertently express to the client that they aren’t capable of answering our questions, or answering really isn’t that important. So we wanna avoid doing that. or answering really isn’t that important. So we wanna avoid doing that. or answering really isn’t that important. So we wanna avoid doing that. or answering really isn’t that important. So we wanna avoid doing that.

I do wanna acknowledge though that it can be really hard to find other ways to ask the same question, but it’s really important that we stick to it until we get an answer that we can build on, which at times requires us to be really creative and work extra hard.

To put this in context outside of the therapy room, imagine you have a toddler (I’m sure lots of you can relate). And, they don’t really have such a developed sense of language, but we see them playing near a heater or something dangerous that we can’t physically get to quickly. So we need to rely on language to express that safety concern. So from across the room we say, “Hey, don’t touch that.” But, those words don’t really mean anything. The way we said it doesn’t really express enough concern to get their attention in the way that we needed them to. So they continue to move closer to the danger. And rather than just abandoning our initial caution because they didn’t understand it, we instinctively find other language to express that same danger to the toddler. We persevere to keep that toddler safe.

Now, our clients aren’t in any imminent danger, of course, but I use that example to demonstrate that every single one of us has the ability to find other ways to express the same thing, differently. It’s instinctive when it involves danger. So we need to tap into that ability of perseverance, and make it instinctive with our clients. And if you’re anything like me and don’t like to lose an argument, I’m sure you’re also really good at making the same point 50 million different ways. Again, it’s persevering until it lands with the client, regardless of the reason of why they didn’t easily understand the first time.

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So if this is something that you struggle with in session, the discomfort of needing to ask the same question again, but differently, I’d like to set a wee challenge for you. Pay attention to how often you re-ask questions in different ways in your everyday life, whether it’s conversing with your kids (n

So don’t forget, you can ask the very same question in as many ways as you need to, to get an answer to build on. you have teenagers, their brains are shut down for renovations. So re-asking happens a lot during a customer call when you’re trying to resolve something with your partner who’s not really paying attention to you properly anywhere and everywhere. And when you see how well you can re-ask questions instinctively outside of your session, notice how you do that and bring those skills into your session and see what difference it makes. differently. So if this is something that you struggle with in session, the discomfort of needing to ask the same question again, but differently, I’d like to set the wee challenge for you. Pay attention to how often you re-ask questions in different ways in your everyday life, whether it’s conversing with your kids.

So don’t forget, you can ask the very same question in as many ways as you need to to get an answer to build on. So thank you so much for joining me for this solution focused snippet, and I really hope that this reminder helps you as you continue to grow your skills and confidence. If you enjoyed this video, please like please leave a comment and share with your colleagues.

So thank you so much for joining me for this solution focused snippet, and I really hope that this reminder helps you as you continue to grow your skills and confidence. If you enjoyed this video, please like please leave a comment and share with your colleagues. you have teenagers, their brains are shut down for renovations. So re-asking happens a lot during a customer call when you’re trying to resolve something with your partner who’s not really paying attention to you properly anywhere and everywhere. And when you see how well you can re-ask questions instinctively outside of your session, notice how you do that and bring those skills into your session and see what difference it makes.

And don’t forget to subscribe to our Youtube channel so you get notifications for all our other amazing videos all about Solution, Focused, Brief, Therapy. So until next time, keep being you.

And don’t forget to subscribe to our Youtube channel so you get notifications for all our other amazing videos all about Solution, Focused, Brief, Therapy. So until next time, keep being you.

And don’t forget to subscribe to our Youtube channel so you get notifications for all our other amazing videos all about Solution, Focused, Brief, Therapy. So until next time, keep being you.