Today. I have a really, really important message that is all about how to make the biggest difference in the people that you meet. This includes your clients. This includes the people you interact within your home, in your personal life. If you want to make a difference in someone’s life, you have to find a way to believe in their dreams.
You have to find a way to believe in their possibilities. You have to find a way to believe in who they are. Why this is on my mind right now is yesterday I did a training about how to use Solution Focused Brief Therapy with couples. And it turned out to be the largest training that has ever been done in this field. We had 3,217 people sign up representing 47 countries.
Like this was a mega massive event. And I was teaching exactly how to use a Solution Focused approach with couples and make sure you do this and make sure you do that. And one of the things I said is you have to believe, regardless of what problem the couple may have that brought them into your office, you have to believe in the power of love.
You have to believe that at one point, this couple was loving, kinder, more caring. This couple was in a more positive space. And if they’re seeing you now, you have to believe that they can get into a more positive space again. If you cannot believe that if you cannot buy into that, you cannot make a difference in the person’s life for which you’re hoping to see.
You have to be able to believe in people and believe in what they’re trying to accomplish, or you cannot help them accomplish change. It literally is that simple. Now I recognize that this is a very difficult idea for people to buy into because there were people in the audience that were like, are you sure? What about couples like this? And what about couples like that?
Listen, whether you’re doing Solution Focused Brief Therapy or parenting a child, or talking to your best friend, if you don’t believe in them if you don’t believe in who they are. And if you don’t believe in what they’re trying to accomplish, you’re going to be getting in their way. Like, think about your life. I think about my life.
And I think about the people who knew me before I was anything that you could be proud of. And those people saw something in me and were able to believe in me before I could believe in myself. And eventually, I started to believe in myself and that made the biggest difference in my world. Like I can remember being in graduate school and I had multiple professors that were influential and one of them was a guy by the name of Dr. John Crook and Dr. John Crook pulled me aside one day and he said, you’re special.
Now you should know at this time I was really anxious. I had no money. I wasn’t even sure I could pay to stay in graduate school semester after semester. My self-esteem academically was not super high, but this man pulls me aside and he says, you’re special. You’re going to be able to make a difference in this field. And I really was confused. I was like, what is he seeing me that makes him think that? And he said you’re just different. You’re very, very good in this field. And I’m glad you’re going into it. And you’re going to be the type of person who can truly make a difference in this field.
I carry that message with me even to this day. Dr. Crook said that to me more than 15 years ago. But to this day I carry that message with me because he saw something in me, it makes me start looking at myself differently and think, what did he see? And is he right? What if he is right? When you communicate that you believe in someone you instantaneously change their life.
And I think that’s like a missing component in our work professionally, because very often, instead of believing in our client, we get distracted by the problem we get impacted by the problem we allow the problem to create doubt in us. And I really, really want to implore you always find a way to believe in the people you are talking to, whether that’s clients, children, students because if you can’t believe in them, you can’t make a difference in their life.
And if you want to make a profound difference, believe in them and communicate you believe in them, regardless of how big the problem is, regardless of how big the challenge is, because once they feel like you believe in them, it starts helping people believe in themselves. And that is when you touch someone’s heart. That is going to make a difference in how they live their life. That is how you create change.
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