Let me tell you why silence is killing your self-esteem.

Today, I had a remarkable day where some really, really crazy professional things happen.

First thing that happened today is I went and got interviewed on a platform called The Breakfast Club, which has about 7 million viewers to each of their episodes. It’s a hip hop culture, radio, tv, social media show. I did an interview there and I got to talk about Solution Focused Brief Therapy, and the impact of mental health.

The second thing that happened today is I was featured in a video with a rapper named Fredo Bang, who has a following of millions of people across all platforms.

So why am I telling you this? I have been responsible in the past couple of years for many moments where Solution Focused Brief Therapy was exposed to millions of people. Literally, I’ve done other Breakfast Club interviews, I’ve been on other platforms. I’ve lectured on big stages, literally millions of people, and it’s something I’m really proud of because when I started doing this work, I wanted to expose more people to Solution Focused Brief Therapy, not just practitioners, but service users like non-clinicians.

I wanted everybody to know how powerful and wonderful and eloquent this way of working is. I wanted professionals to know the truth about Solution Focused Brief Therapy. Instead of believing all these myths that it doesn’t work with clients who have real problems, and you can’t really help a client in a short amount of sessions, and all of that craziness that people used to believe. I wanted to expose people to the actual truth of what this approach was.

I also wanted clients to know that there’s actually a way that you can receive therapy that feels good, that inspires you, that uplifts you, and doesn’t take a whole lot of time. And now I’m exposing this approach to millions of people frequently, and I wanna celebrate that for a minute.

And the reason I wanna celebrate it is because most of their people in our field won’t. There are other organizations in the Solution Focused field that like to pretend that I don’t exist and I’m not having the impact that I’m having. They like to ignore that millions of people are being exposed to this approach because of my work, and they just pretend it’s not happening.

It’s really important. And I think about this in a Solution Focused context. It’s important that you are aware of the positive things about yourself and what you’re doing. And you don’t really need external validation for it. It is important that you recognize that what you’re doing matters, who you are matters, what your strengths are, and what your accomplishments are. That’s actually how you build your self-esteem. That’s actually how you build your internal sense of fortitude. That’s actually how you build your own sense of strength.

If all I noticed was my screw ups and I’ve got tons of them, if all I noticed was my mistakes and flaws and I’ve got tons of them, then my self-esteem goes down. But when I have a quiet moment, like how today I came back from the interview, I got a text message from Fredo that the video was being released, and I just had a moment. I was really like, I was 10 minutes away from doing a therapy session.
I opened up my computer and I was gonna do a therapy session on Zoom. And I just had a moment and I thought, wow, this rapper had just made a video about psychotherapy that featured me and my work, and Solution Focused Brief Therapy in it. This is a moment and it’s a moment that they’re gonna ignore. You can look at the comments of this video, you’re not gonna see other people representing other Solution Focused organizations, but it is still a moment.

Millions of people are going to hear this rapper’s words, they’re gonna see this video, they’re gonna be impacted by what we did today. And that uplifts me because I remember wishing, hoping, and dreaming that I could have an impact. I remember wishing, hoping, and dreaming that I could expose more people in the world of Solution Focused Brief Therapy, mental health, psychotherapy, coaching, to this way of working.

I remember wishing that more African Americans in the hip hop community knew about this approach. And today millions of people got exposed to it. And I’m gonna celebrate that. Whether other people do or not is irrelevant. Doesn’t matter to me. I’m gonna celebrate it. Because if you can pay attention to your own accomplishments, and if you can take a moment to celebrate your own wins, you build yourself up and you don’t need external validation.

And that really is one of the real important components of Solution Focused Brief Therapy, having conversations with our clients about what makes them strong.

How many times do you work with clients and a kid feels like they’re not being recognized for their strengths and their efforts, or maybe a spouse doesn’t feel like the other partner is noticing what they’re doing.

It’s really important that they notice, it’s really important that they’re aware, it’s really important that they celebrate themselves. That’s what today is about.

I’m so happy, proud and honored, and I recognize there are tons of people that support me. In fact, you know, more support me than don’t. So I am not in any way overly focused on the people that don’t.

I’m so gracious for the people that do that help me get the opportunity to expose them to this approach. And I hope I inspire you to celebrate your wins and notice what you do well and celebrate your accomplishments because they matter. And I want you to have strong self-esteem. I want you to build yourself up and not need external validation to do so.

You are great because you are doing great things, whether the rest of the world acknowledges it or not.