I’m Seriously Thinking About Leaving This Field

Before I say anything else in this video, I want to say thank you. Truly, genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Last week, I shared a very difficult video where I mentioned I was thinking about no longer doing free webinars, something I’ve been doing almost weekly for a few years now. And it’s gotten hard because I feel like those efforts aren’t appreciated. In fact, sometimes I feel downright attacked. And it’s been hard for me to deal with that when I’m trying so hard to deliver things for people without charging literally any money. So I was just in a real deep, kind of contemplative place.

Now, to be fully transparent with you. In the subsequent week, I’ve continued to be in a contemplative place where I’m actually starting to wonder about my role in this field and if this is good for me to remain in this field. It’s been a hard journey.

There have been some really joyous things. I’ve met some amazing people, had some amazing experiences. But if I’m being honest, I’m not sure being in this field has been overall good for me, good for my mental health, good for my mind, body, soul, spirit. I’ve dealt with some really difficult things, some racism, judgment, personal attacks. It’s been a challenge. And for the first time since I’ve entered into this field over 20 years, I’m literally thinking, “Is this how I want to spend the rest of my life?”

As I think, and I’m being really reflective and kind of honest with myself, my answer is, “I don’t know.” I don’t know if this is what I want to do for the rest of my life, because it’s been unpleasant at times. And overall, I wonder if I’ve lost more than I’ve gained. I wonder if I’ve sacrificed more than I thought I would in the beginning. So it’s been a challenge. It’s been a real challenge.

But one of the things that highlighted that for me, is one of the reasons I’m so grateful this week, and why I started this video saying, “Thank you.” is because I made that video and I shared my thoughts about no longer doing these webinars. And I got emails, comments on the video messages on social media from people saying unbelievably supportive things. People telling me they watch my videos, they’ve made a big difference in their training, asked me to please continue them, all these things.

And it has me thinking, to me, this highlights why Solution Focused Brief Therapy is so impactful, because it’s so easy to be silent about good things, and noisy about difficult things. And why that’s relevant here is I’m aware that most of the people that watch my videos, probably experience those videos as useful, in some way or another, but they don’t make as much noise as the people who complain. So from my experience, and it feels a lot like most people…, it feels a lot like the conversation is always negative, even though I know that that doesn’t match the experience, but we’re always silent about positive things.

What makes Solution Focused Brief Therapy so impactful is it forces people to talk about good things, positive things, desirable things in their lives. Now when I take that to a macro level about how, how things kind of transpire in my world as a trainer, people stay silent about good things, they stay silent about positive things. So on my end, it just feels like it’s always negative.

Turns out that’s not true. It turns out that’s not true, because when I made that video, I got dozens and dozens of people supporting the work I was doing and saying really encouraging and nice things.

And I can’t help but wonder, where are you guys normally? I release a video every single week on this series. I’ve been doing so for almost a decade. And the only times where the feedback is large in that way, is when I’m in a real hard spot. And right now I’m in a very difficult spot. This work has been stressful, and hard on me, and hard on my physical health.

I haven’t taken care of myself as well as I should have over the years, because of my travel, because of the stress, because of the things I’ve had to endure. I haven’t taken care of my emotional well being, because of the racism, because of the attacks, because of the things I’ve had to go through. And now I’m getting a little older, turn 50 later this year. It has me just thinking, “What do I want to do with the rest of my life? Do I want to spend my time doing this?” And the answer is, “I don’t know.”

But I will say this. I want everybody just to be more loud in your positive ways, not just with me (as you watch my videos, though, that feels nice; I’m glad you guys spent some time this week doing it). But just as a general rule, if you like something you’re experiencing, let the producer of that thing know that you like it.

Because I’m telling you, as someone who creates a lot of content, someone who shares their thoughts and opinions in a way that I think is relevant and important, because I think we have to grow and do better as a field of psychotherapy. Let people know that you support them, and that you see them, and that the things you’re doing is valuable.
Because your silence is allowing the people who have negative intentions, who have mal intent, who have malice, and want to do harm. You’re letting those voices be the dominant voices. Because in your silence, you’re silent in your gratitude, in your positivity, and in your wonderfulness.

And where I am right now in my life, man, I need it. I need it. It’s just a hard, really stressful place, and I need it.

So this is the first time, I’m not sure. Not only am I not sure that I’m going to continue doing these webinars, but I’m also not sure I’m going to stay in the field. I don’t know what I would do with myself. Maybe stand up comedy, as I have been doing that, it’s been kind of a hobby for the past few years.

But honestly, I’m not sure what I’ll do with myself if I don’t do this. And doing this has always felt right to me. Like the practice of psychotherapy and the act of teaching psychotherapy. It’s always felt good and felt right to me and still does. But the secondary consequences that come along with this, and having a large platform… starting to wonder if it’s worth it anymore. Starting to wonder if maybe, maybe 20 years is enough. Maybe I’ve given 20 years to this field. I’ve given 20 years to this space. Maybe that’s enough. I don’t know. Thanks for watching.