Elliott Connie
Founder/PresidentElliott Connie, MA, LPC is a Psychotherapist that practices in Arlington, Texas. He has worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and families applying the solution...
Solution Focused Brief Therapy is all about asking the kinds of questions that ignite your ability to change and overcome difficult things. That’s why Dr. Adam Froerer and I made the connection about that ability and a person’s legacy.
One of the biggest contributions that my best friend and I, Dr. Adam Froerer, have made to the field of Solution Focused Brief Therapy, is what we refer to as legacy questions. Now, Solution Focused Brief Therapy is all about questions, and asking the kind of questions that ignite your client’s ability to change, and grow, and overcome challenging things.
And we started thinking about this, like, if you talk about your client’s legacy, meaning the people in their life that contributed to who they are in a positive way, then they cannot help but change and become proud of themselves.
So I’ll give you an example of a legacy question and how we started to think about this. And why this is a very important way of questioning your clients.
One of the things about my life that I’ve always been very ashamed of, is the abuse I experienced from my dad growing up. It made me feel weak. It made me feel embarrassed, and it was something that I hid from people, even my closest friends.
When I went into my late teenage years, that struggle was really, really difficult and started to weigh on me, that I’ve got this secret. And it took a lot of mental energy to hide this secret. And then at some point, I started to realize, and I’ll tell you exactly how I started to realize it.
When I was an undergrad, so I’m now, like 19, 20 years old. I’m going to university, Texas Wesleyan University. And I noticed that I’m a pretty solid C student. And a lot of my peers were getting, you know, A’s in everything. And for the first time, I realized it’s not fair for me to compare myself to them.
Number one, they have really supportive parents, and their parents made them feel good about themselves. And my dad did the exact opposite and tore my confidence from me.
Number two, their parents would help them buy the books that they needed to be successful in school. And I could not afford the books. So one of the things that I would have to do is, like, in the course, the professor would give us a book, and it would be like the fourth edition of such and such a book. But I couldn’t afford to go buy the fourth edition of such and such a book from the bookstore. I had to go get the book from the library, and I would study it from the library. Well, the problem was the library would have the second edition, so I wouldn’t have all the information available to me.
And I realized, like, all of a sudden, I feel like my C is pretty good. And I’ll bet you if you were in my circumstances, you wouldn’t even be getting a C. And I started feeling proud of my journey.
And a legacy question would be asking people, like, “Hey, where did you get that strength?” And then instead of thinking about my past in a, like, embarrassment way, I started thinking about the overcoming of my past, and how did I overcome it? And then I’d have to tell you about my Uncle Jeffrey.
My Uncle Jeffrey was a powerful influence on me, and he helped me be proud of myself, in all regards, because he was a very proud person of who he was. He was not ashamed of himself, and I was incredibly ashamed of myself. He was not embarrassed of anything, and I was incredibly embarrassed of everything. And I would draw strength.
And I’m very similar to my Uncle Jeffrey, who passed away a few years ago, very similar to him. So I started feeling like, “Wow, if my Uncle Jeffrey can be this way, maybe I could be this way too.” And it started to change me.
And if you ask me, “Hey, Elliott, how did you develop your strength?” It’s a legacy question, and it causes me to think about the people who contributed to me in a positive way.
So asking people,
“Where did you get that trait?”
“Who in your life contributed to you being that way?”
“Who gave you the strength to overcome those things?”
Those are legacy questions.
And it helps your client to be able to think about themselves in a very different way. And as I tell you about what I learned on my journey towards confidence, and towards strength, I cannot help but think about my Uncle Jeffrey, who’s one of the most amazing men ever. And just talking about him makes me feel very different about myself, and about my journey, and about who I am, and who I’m trying to be.
And that’s exactly what we’re trying to do in Solution Focused Brief Therapy.
So if you want to make your sessions more powerful, more impactful, and the conversations deeper, ask legacy questions.
Elliott Connie, MA, LPC is a Psychotherapist that practices in Arlington, Texas. He has worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and families applying the solution focused approach to help them move their lives from the current problems towards their desired futures. As well as being the Founder and President of The Solution Focused Universe, he is recognized around the world speaking at national and international conferences and events throughout the United States, Australia, New Zealand, Germany, South Africa, Russia, Switzerland, England, Poland, Sweden, Denmark, Scotland, Holland, Canada, and Asia training practitioners to apply solution focused questions and techniques in their work. He has authored or co-authored 4 books including “The Art of Solution Focused Therapy”, ‘Solution Building in Couples Therapy”, ‘The Solution Focused Marriage’, and ‘Solution-Focused Brief Therapy with Clients Managing Trauma’.
