Elliott Connie
Founder/PresidentElliott Connie, MA, LPC is a Psychotherapist that practices in Arlington, Texas. He has worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and families applying the solution...
Last week on the Breakfast Club I got to talk a bit about why I think most people don\’t achieve much success in their lives and it lies heavily in the questions we ask ourselves. Let\’s talk about how better questions actually shape better futures.
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The biggest reason why Adam and I wrote the book Change Your Questions, Change Your Future, is because we really wanted to help people to understand that people who ask themselves useful questions have a tendency to achieve their aims.
Think about it. When I land in a new city, like New York City, and I\’m at the airport, my aim is to get to the destination where I\’m going. I want to get to the hotel or the whatever. And when I get in the cab, the cab driver asks me the single most useful question, which is, \”Where are you headed?\” And I give him a useful answer. I\’m heading to, \”Times Square\”, whatever it is. And the chances of him getting me there are nearly 100% because he asked me a useful question and I gave him a useful answer.
But the truth is, most people don\’t do that. We are so busy thinking about what we don\’t want, and we don\’t spend any time or energy thinking about what we do. So think about it. It would be like me getting into a cab, and the cab driver says, \”Where are you headed?\” And I say, \”Not here.\” Because that\’s how human beings think. We think, oh, I just don\’t want to be broke, or I don\’t want to feel like this anymore, or, I don\’t want this job anymore. But that doesn\’t help you get anywhere.
You have to think about, \”What do I want?\” \”What job do I want?\” \”What feelings and emotions do I want to experience?\” \”What life do I want to be leading?\” Because that\’s how you actually go off and create it.
So the questions you ask yourself are incredibly important. They literally determine the reality in which you live. They literally determine the world in which you exist. But most people don\’t think about it because we\’re just by default, thinking, \”I just don\’t like the way I feel, so I don\’t want [this].\” And that\’s fine. But it\’s not enough. It\’s incomplete.
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Excerpt from The Breakfast Club:
Elliott: People who are successful, and people who are able to achieve things in spite of obstacles, have a tendency to ask themselves different kinds of questions. So I decided to write a book about it. I\’ve written several books, but most of them are for professionals. But I decided I wanted to write a book about change and about how people talk to themselves and about how successful people have a tendency to ask themselves different kinds of questions that lead to their success. And when I say success, I don\’t mean, like, millionaires. I just mean people that achieve whatever their aim is. If it\’s overcoming addiction or becoming a successful business person, whatever it is… success is defined by people who set a goal and achieve it. So what is it that makes some people succeed and other people not? And after all these years of practice, it\’s, they talk to themselves differently, they ask themselves different kind of questions.
Charlamagne tha God: What\’s the most common question that successful people ask themselves?
Elliott: Oh, boy, that\’s a good one. The most common question that successful people ask themselves is, \”What do I want?\” Most people do not ask themselves, \”What do I want?\” Most people spend a lot of time thinking about what they don\’t want and try to avoid it. People who achieve aims and goals are the ones who are able to set a goal and ask themselves, \”What is it that I want about this goal?\” And once you do that, you become capable of achieving it.
Charlamagne tha God: I tell all the youngin\’s that. You got to find that one thing that you want to do. And when you find that one thing that you want to do and you focus on that, everything else falls in place.
Elliott: 100%. I mean, I tell people all the time, you don\’t get into a taxi cab, and the cab driver doesn\’t ask you, where do you not want to be? If the cab driver asks you, where do you not want to be? That doesn\’t give that cab driver any information. The cab driver asks you the single most important question ever. Where are you going? And then you answer that question. You would never say, I just want to be not here. You know what I mean? When the cab driver says, where you headed? You don\’t say, not here. That doesn\’t help. But think about that. Most people say, I just don\’t want to feel like this. Or, I don\’t like this job, or what job do you want? I don\’t know, just not this one. Well, that\’s not good enough. You have to really identify, what\’s that thing I want to achieve and what\’s that place I want to be, and who do I want to be in order to become that.
Charlamagne tha God: Man that\’s so real. And that\’s why, we have these conversations about manifestation. You can\’t just say, I want to be successful. What\’s the goal? What\’s the destination? What you\’re trying to do?
Elliott: That\’s right. That\’s absolutely right. You got to think of the world like an algorithm that wants to give you what you want, but it will only reward the people bold enough to ask for it, and ask for it in great detail.
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You have to be able to say, but here\’s what I do want. And the more specific you get, the more likely you are to achieve it. So that is why Dr. Froerer and I wrote the book. That is why we put forth this energy. That\’s why we want you to go get it. Because when you change the way you think and ask questions, your life transforms.
Elliott Connie, MA, LPC is a Psychotherapist that practices in Arlington, Texas. He has worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and families applying the solution focused approach to help them move their lives from the current problems towards their desired futures. As well as being the Founder and President of The Solution Focused Universe, he is recognized around the world speaking at national and international conferences and events throughout the United States, Australia, New Zealand, Germany, South Africa, Russia, Switzerland, England, Poland, Sweden, Denmark, Scotland, Holland, Canada, and Asia training practitioners to apply solution focused questions and techniques in their work. He has authored or co-authored 4 books including “The Art of Solution Focused Therapy”, ‘Solution Building in Couples Therapy”, ‘The Solution Focused Marriage’, and ‘Solution-Focused Brief Therapy with Clients Managing Trauma’.
