Elliott Connie
Founder/PresidentElliott Connie, MA, LPC is a Psychotherapist that practices in Arlington, Texas. He has worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and families applying the solution...
I normally talk about what to do in your Solution Focused Brief Therapy sessions. However, today I want to discuss what NOT to do based on some observations from a recent online training.
Usually when I make these videos, I’m always talking to you about what you should be doing when you’re practicing Solution Focused Brief Therapy. You should focus on the client’s language. You should use that language to build questions about the client’s outcome. You should ask questions to help the client describe the presence of that outcome. I’m always talking about what you should be doing.
But recently something happened where now I want to tell you what you should not be doing. And honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever made this kind of video. But today I need to talk about something.
Just the other day I was doing a training. It was a huge training. 6,000 people signed up. There was a ton of people that showed up live, over 700, I think. I was showing video of me working with a client and I was showing them, here’s how you use the language to ask kind of questions that are related to Solution Focused Brief Therapy, and here’s how we focus, and here’s what we do.
But the people were making comments in the chat, “She looks like she has a separation issue from her husband.” It was a couple video. “She looks like she has anxiety and is dealing with a lot of depression.” “He looks completely disassociated.” And I mean, people are saying these things in the chat.
And I’m like, why are you saying this? Because the thing you have to stop doing when you’re doing Solution Focused Brief Therapy, is judging.
Now in our field we typically call judgment ‘assessment’ and we try to figure people out. But when you’re practicing Solution Focused Brief Therapy, don’t do that. It gets in the way of what you’re actually supposed to be doing, which is asking people questions that lead to towards change.
The simple truth is it doesn’t matter whether she was anxious or depressed. It doesn’t matter whether he was disconnected from her or not. That’s irrelevant. Because if you ask the right kinds of questions, they will get connected and it will resolve all those issues.
And that’s exactly what happened in this video. By the time we got to the end of the video, I was able to say to people, stop thinking like that, stop being judgmental and trying to figure out what’s wrong with people, and just do this work.
Because by the end of the session, the couple was completely reconnected, and talking about each other in loving ways, and massive change had already happened in the couple.
But if you continue to judge people, and if you continue to try to figure people out, instead of just using the language to help them grow and change, you’re going to continue to get in your own way.
You’re going to continue to get in the way of the couple that you are trying to help.
You’re going to continue to get in the way of the client that you’re trying to help, and you’re going to continue to stop progress before it even starts.
Elliott Connie, MA, LPC is a Psychotherapist that practices in Arlington, Texas. He has worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and families applying the solution focused approach to help them move their lives from the current problems towards their desired futures. As well as being the Founder and President of The Solution Focused Universe, he is recognized around the world speaking at national and international conferences and events throughout the United States, Australia, New Zealand, Germany, South Africa, Russia, Switzerland, England, Poland, Sweden, Denmark, Scotland, Holland, Canada, and Asia training practitioners to apply solution focused questions and techniques in their work. He has authored or co-authored 4 books including “The Art of Solution Focused Therapy”, ‘Solution Building in Couples Therapy”, ‘The Solution Focused Marriage’, and ‘Solution-Focused Brief Therapy with Clients Managing Trauma’.
