Elliott Connie
Founder/PresidentElliott Connie, MA, LPC is a Psychotherapist that practices in Arlington, Texas. He has worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and families applying the solution...
I want to talk to you about an incredibly important idea in the Solution Focused Approach. And it\’s the idea of small changes leading to big changes.
You know, people get so confused. And I\’ve had a lot of comments and questions recently, like, \”How can you help a client if you\’re not focusing on their problem?\” Well, it\’s because we\’re focusing on change, and we\’re focusing on small changes that could lead to big things. And I want to give you an example from my life.
Over the past several years, in my journey as an entrepreneur, my health has suffered big time. I wasn\’t exercising for about a decade, wasn\’t eating right, drinking lots of soda, eating a lot of fast food. I was on the road a lot, eating in airports and hotels. It wasn\’t a great way to live.
Earlier this year, I wanted to do something about it. I wanted to start being disciplined again. I wanted to start addressing my health. And it felt way overwhelming. It felt more than I could handle, to be honest. So I decided I\’m just going to focus on one thing. Let\’s see if I can change one thing.
And the first thing I changed was like… I need to exercise, I need to eat better. And I knew all that. But, I\’m gonna focus on one change. (I\’m sorry, I\’m out for my walk, so a little out of breath.) First thing I changed was I stopped drinking dark colored soda. Super weird thing to do, but I gotta start somewhere. I was drinking a lot of coke zero at the time and thinking that zero sugar would be better for me. I\’ve later learned there\’s something in there called aspartame that is not healthy, at least diabetes, blah, blah, blah. But I was drinking a lot of coke zero, so I told myself, no more dark colored sodas. Sprite, for example, specifically, sprite zero would be okay, but no more dark colored sugars.
Over the next few weeks, because I started with one manageable change, I started adding more and more changes. Eventually, I started adding a gym routine. I started adding a cardio routine. And before I know it, I\’ve lost ten pounds. Like, before I know it, I\’m losing weight, gaining muscle. Before I know it, people are commenting, \”Elliott, you look like you\’re working out. How are things going?\” And now I\’m pretty committed, and I want to get back to a normal, healthy weight. In total, I want to lose about 40 to 50 more pounds. I\’m not taking Ozempic or anything else. I\’m just doing it with hard work, discipline, and eating right.
I started adding more rules. No fried food. No sugars, like candy, ice cream, that kind of stuff. I\’ve decided to eliminate all soda, anything with aspartame in it. So now I\’m just drinking water and this particular organic drink I found at a local grocery store. (Oh, my God, my glasses are crooked.)
And I don\’t think I could have done it had I not started with this really small, seemingly silly change, which was no dark sodas.
So when your clients come into your office and let\’s say they\’ve got a big thing in their life, an addiction, a depression, an anxiety… and we get overwhelmed, like, \”How are we supposed to help this problem?\” And maybe that\’s not the question we should be asking ourselves. Maybe we need to ask ourselves, like, \”What\’s the first small change that we could talk to this client about that has the potentiality of leading to more bigger, substantial, and meaningful changes?\”
I\’m so grateful that I was able to address my health before something catastrophic happened. I actually went to my doctor, and there are some pretty significant red flags that they want me to address, but nothing super catastrophic and nothing that is not reversible.
So maybe that\’s what we need to do with our clients, is talk to them about small changes that could lead to bigger changes. Instead of trying to think of, like, \”How do we solve the client problem?\”
I\’m going to tell you, addressing my health in a grandiose way, felt so overwhelming that I couldn\’t do it. And I had to be like, \”Alright, where can I start?\” And that was my starting point. No dark soda.
So when your client comes into your office and they\’re struggling with some massive thing, depression, anxiety, drinking, drugging, you know, whatever… focus on a small change. Focus on a small sign. Help them focus on a really small change that they could make. Because once you start the process of change, then momentum starts to happen. And once momentum starts to happen, then you are now in the direction of making real massive changes in a desirable way.
I\’m experiencing that right now. My lived life, I\’ve been experiencing that clinically. That\’s how I\’ve accomplished all the things I\’ve accomplished clinically.
You can\’t build something great without doing it one step at a time. So let\’s focus on the first step and help the client start moving in the right direction.
Elliott Connie, MA, LPC is a Psychotherapist that practices in Arlington, Texas. He has worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and families applying the solution focused approach to help them move their lives from the current problems towards their desired futures. As well as being the Founder and President of The Solution Focused Universe, he is recognized around the world speaking at national and international conferences and events throughout the United States, Australia, New Zealand, Germany, South Africa, Russia, Switzerland, England, Poland, Sweden, Denmark, Scotland, Holland, Canada, and Asia training practitioners to apply solution focused questions and techniques in their work. He has authored or co-authored 4 books including “The Art of Solution Focused Therapy”, ‘Solution Building in Couples Therapy”, ‘The Solution Focused Marriage’, and ‘Solution-Focused Brief Therapy with Clients Managing Trauma’.
