Why it’s Crucial to Appreciate the Present

This past week I got to go to London and visit somewhere really important to me, and it dawned on me that I felt no regrets about my time at this place in the past, and the reason was all tied to how I appreciated it when it was the present. Let’s talk more about why it’s important when dealing with clients that we honor their present.

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This is memory lane for me. For so many years. I\’d come down here on the way to Brief. I\’d be with Chris and we\’d be thinking, or I\’d be thinking how nervous I was, like, I hope the training goes well. We\’d be teaching in front of Chris. We\’re teaching at Brief, and haven\’t done this in years.

Life happens in moments. And I think what I like most about Solution Focused Brief Therapy, and the way we help our clients to accomplish change, is we help them to focus on each moment of their lives. To be more present, more aware, more focused. To notice the things that are going on around them, the things that they\’re most pleased by, the things that mean the most to them.

I think too often we go by life in a rush and in a hurry, and before you know it, it is gone.

I\’m here in London right now, and I\’m at a very historical place in the history of Solution Focused Brief Therapy. Years ago, there was a training organization that used to have an office here called Brief. And Brief was run by Chris Ivesen, Harvey Ratner and Evan George. And for many, many years it was like the center hub of Solution Focused Brief Therapy training.

And I remember, I\’ll Never forget in 2009, the first time I came here, I came down that end of the street, and I sat right there.

I was there early. This was the place you enter. I got here early and I sat right there waiting. And coming down the street was Chris Ivesson.

I\’d seen him at a conference once before. And he came walking down the street and I walked up to him and I said, you might not remember me, I met you at a conference a few months ago and I\’m super excited to be here for this training. And he said, welcome, come on in. And he went and he unlocked the door and he puts his stuff down in that room right there. We went into the second floor, which is where the training room was, and he opened the windows and turned on lights. Just getting the office ready.

From that moment to now, Chris is one of my very best friends. And I can\’t believe I\’m standing here talking about a time where this used to be where Brief was. Because back then I would have never imagined that moment would come. But that\’s how time happens. If you don\’t pay attention to the moment, before you know it, you look back, you\’re like, holy cow. It feels like forever ago.

But I\’m so grateful that I have been present and in the moment from that day since, I don\’t feel like I missed anything. I soaked in every moment with Chris, with Harvey, with Evan, with Adam. Like, I did everything I could to, like, really enjoy the journey. So now when I come here, I don\’t really have any sadness or I don\’t feel any sense of regret or remorse. What I feel is pride.

I\’m proud of what they accomplished when they were here, and I\’m proud to have been a small part of it. I\’m proud to have played a role in what happened here. And I look forward to the future, both in my relationship with Chris, Harvey and Evan, but also in my work in Solution Focused Brief Therapy.

But that\’s how time happens, people. We don\’t catch the moments. Life goes by really fast, and then we realize, oh, I wish I had. We were. Oh, I wish I had paid more attention. I wish I enjoyed the journey. But I\’m so excited because I enjoyed the journey. I stayed as connected to, and as aware of, and as close to the process and the people as I possibly could. So now I just have. I just have nostalgia. I have memories. I have pride.

So think about that. When you\’re working with your clients and you\’re asking them, like, what would you notice? You\’re kind of saying to them, like, time is going to pass. We know that, like, time is going to pass, but make sure it passes with you being really, really aware of the journey.

Now, look, was every moment perfect? Absolutely not. Were there times where Chris, Harvey, and Evan wanted to shove me? Sure. Were there times where they were upset with me, or times where they, like, something I wrote or whatever? Yeah. My point is, it\’s not perfect, but you gotta, like, keep at it.

And the same thing with our clients, like, as we talk about, what would you notice when, or how would your partner see this in you? And when you were at your very best, how would you see it? Like, is it going to be perfect? No. But as you\’re aware of each step of the journey, as time passes, you get to give yourself the greatest gift of all, which is for time to pass without regret, and for you to have pride in what you\’re doing. So then when you revisit those old places, as I am now, you revisit them with nostalgia, with love.

Like, I love Chris, Harvey, and Evan. They\’re like brothers to me. And I\’ve been a part of every step of the journey since 2009. And I was aware that I was fortunate and lucky to know them. And not just to, like, do work with them. But I was fortunate, lucky to know them and have people like that in my life. I don\’t feel like I missed a moment of it.

So as we\’re now aging and getting older and moving on to do other things and bigger things, and Brief has moved mostly online, and no longer in this building, I don\’t look at any. There\’s nothing I wish I had done differently. There\’s no, oh, I wish I had gone one more time. I took advantage of every single moment.

And I think part of what Solution Focused Brief Therapy is is helping clients to really take advantage and be aware of every single moment, because that is how we should be living our lives.