The trickiest thing for us to teach is how to know when you have an answer to the “best hopes” question. In this video I share an idea that will hopefully make this process more clarity, and thus more doable.
So I just got done teaching my five day intensive, my live event that I host with Adam Froerer every year. We did it in Orlando this year. It was really cool event. We had, um, we had people from all around the world as far away from as far away as Singapore. We had people from all throughout the United States. And one of the things that was one of the hottest topics that we talked about, one of the key points of the teaching week is one of the things that I think is hard for most people interested in the solution focused approach to grasp and understand and then pragmatically master in their utilization of this approach with clients is this idea of how do you get a desired outcome and use it in a preferred future description. So how do I get an answer to the best hopes question in a way that makes the rest of the session make a difference in the client’s life?
And to be honest with you, this is the hardest thing to teach. So I thought it would make this video and share with you part of what we discussed in Orlando with the group. Because I think sometimes we get confused, and you’ve probably heard me say things like knowing the difference between the desired outcome and a goal. But I think I’d been incomplete in explaining that because I think what I would, what I want you to understand is it’s not like I’m looking for an answer that is a desired outcome or a goal. I’m looking for my ability to use the answer as a desire to hand out desired outcome as a goal. So for example, if I ask a client, what are your best hopes from our talking? And the client says, I’d like to be happy. I don’t want you to think, so how do I try and happy from a goal to desired outcome?
It’s actually how do I use happy as a desired outcome. So I can say something like, um, so when you wake up happy, what’s the first thing you would notice your family would notice? What is the outcome in your life that that happiness would produce? So it’s not like I’m looking for an answer that is a desired outcome as opposed to a goal. I’m just looking for an opportunity to use the answer as the desired outcome as opposed to a goal. And I hope that provides a little bit of clarity because once you do that, then you start getting closer to your client’s purpose. Cause sometimes we were talking about this in Orlando. Sometimes people have pain and trouble and struggle that there’s, it’s unavoidable, like they’re going to go through it. But when you can start talking about people’s desired outcomes and talking about people’s purposes, cause pain on the path to the achievement of my outcome is different than just pain.
So for example, if I’m going to go to the gym and exercise and it hurts, I understand that that is good for me and it is leading to a positive place. And uh, sometimes our clients are going through troubling things that the therapy is not going to remove. But a conversation about the purpose and the desired outcome increases resiliency. So it’s not about my client giving me an answer that’s a desired outcome as opposed to a goal. It’s about me being able to take their answer and utilizing it as a desired outcome and get us closer to the client purpose. Because purpose is what makes a difference in a person’s life. So that’s really what I want you guys thinking. It’s not trying to get an answer. It’s me using that opportunity to use the answer as a desired outcome. And that’s what makes a difference in the life of your clients.
So I hope that this video provides a little clarity. Please leave a comment below. Let me know what you think of this explanation. Whether you agree with it, disagree with it. I still know what to think or if you want me to provide more clarity. Because once, like if you’re going to use a solution focused approach, you have to understand how to take a desired outcome and use it as an invitation into a preferred future description. And it, it, it just takes this level of mastery to do it. So, um, please leave a comment below. Let me know what you think. Uh, thank you for watching this video. Please like it and share it how we spread the word and never ever forget you are always one question away from making a difference in a client’s life. And I’ll catch you in the next video.