When clients come to meet us, we are usually not meeting them at their best. In fact, in many
After spending so much time in so many years teaching solution focused brief therapy, there was one thing to me that is very, very clear and that is you have to understand this approach on a deeper level than just the theory and even the techniques. You really have to be in touch with the way that you think about people because this approach is so much about how you talk to people and how you formulate questions. You have to be aware of how you’re thinking about people because that guides how you talk to them. It’s, it’s, it’s so important that we understand this and it’s what I, when you hear me talk about what I call the mentality of the undefeated, um, that’s kind of what I’m getting at because it, God’s the way you talk to people. Let me tell you what I mean when I say the mentality of the undefeated.
Uh, you know, when I think back to some of the hardest moments that have taken place in my life. In fact, I can tell you a story about the hardest day of my life. It happened when I was 19 years old. And, uh, it was a very difficult day, uh, that involved an interaction between me and my, my father. Um, my father was a very angry, upset, abusive guy. And on this particular day when I was 19, uh, it was the worst of the worst and I’m, I’m not, I’m not going to go into detail here now. It’s not the place or a time to do that, but it was just, this was a really, really bad day. But you know what? I survived it and I got through it and I’ve gotten through and I’ve survived every other bad moment that’s occurred in my life. I am literally undefeated against the bad moments that have happened in my life.
I was teaching a Webinar a few weeks ago and somebody on that Webinar said, but what about clients who have not had any successes in their life? And when I get questions like that, I’m like, what? Like, you know, in solution focused brief therapy, we treat people and we honor their exceptions, meaning times in the past where they’ve had successes in this person was asking me what about those clients who have had no successes or positive things happened in their life? And I just thought, I mean that’s crazy because not only am I undefeated against every difficult moment I’ve had in my life, so is every person watching this video. So is every client you’re ever going to see. We’re all undefeated in the way that we handle our struggles. Everyone has had some success. Maybe that success is going from the third grade to the fourth grade or maybe that success is building a successful multibillion dollar business, but everybody’s had some success and it’s our job to treat them in that way.
And even if you meet someone who literally has no success to draw upon in the past, no positive things have ever happened to them. The fact that they have survived it is the success. So we have to be able to treat people and we have to be able to remember that every person we see is undefeated against their hard moments because they’ve stayed in the fight, at least up until the time when they came to see you and they cross paths with you. And that’s what we have to treat them. Because if you treat people in that way, it’s significantly God’s way. You talk to them and this approach, it’s so grounded in the way that you talk to people. You really have to be aware in the way that you’re thinking about people. So never forget, never forget that you are one question away from making a difference in someone’s life, and that often means you have to think about them in their most strongest, hopeful, optimistic way, regardless of the circumstances. And one way that’ll help you do that is to remember that every person you see is undefeated up against their most difficult moments.